Sunday, July 09, 2006

Presentation 18:1 - 21

All quotations are from the Standard-Text Revised International Version (STRIV), unless otherwise noted. STRIV translation is after the work of Samantha Moss, discoverer of the original manuscript.

[18] 1 Then the first angel started his motorcycle on the land, and many of the crops withered in the field, 2 and a fifth of those who had taken the mark of the Beast and worshipped his image starved, for they had no food.

3 Then the second angel poured out a capful of bleach into the sea, and all of the coral reefs turned a brilliant white, 4 and a third of the fish in the seas died, and a third of the birds, and the smell of it reached to the land.

5 The third angel then washed a load of laundry in the low places, and the earth itself trembled and spewed forth fire, and the skies became dark. 6 Those who had taken refuge in the caves were crushed and badly burned, and few escaped, yet they continued to curse and blaspheme the Lord. Then I heard the angel in charge of the rocks say:

7 "The Lord is just in judgment,
and merciful also, for the people
have placed convenience and comfort
above the welfare of their fellow man.
8 Their hands have shed the blood
of the saints and prophets,
and the Holy One allows
them to drink blood, as they are vampires."

9 And the altar responded,

"Truly, O Lord, are your judgments
merciful and just! None is like unto you!"

10 Then the fourth angel appeared with a remote control, and pointed it at the sun, and the sun was given the power to scorch people with fire and boils, such that their skin was turning pale, and boils appeared in it. 11 The pain was so severe that the land was full of their screams, day and night, cursing the name of God, yet they refused to repent and glorify Him.

12 The fifth angel was given a blow dryer, and he pointed it at the glaciers and at the poles, and all the ice therein melted and ran into the oceans, so that floods consumed all the cities of the coasts, 13 and the great buildings the people had built in worship of the Beast were consumed by the waters and became rubble under the ocean, and many perished. 14 All of the islands fled their continents, and the autumn storms strengthened and crushed the temples to sand.

15 The sixth angel appeared upon the earth with a vacuum cleaner, and ran it back and forth over the land until all of the soil had blown away into the air and been deposited upon the ocean, so the land was infertile and hard, and could no longer be worked by oxen or farmed for food, and a third of the land became desert. 16 This was done to prepare the way for the kings from the Southeast. 17 And then three wicked spirits like spiders came out of the mouth of the Beast, the dragon, and the false prophet, and they roamed the earth consuming the petroleum, the ores, and the timber, gathering them for the great battle against the Almighty.

18 The seventh angel tipped his salt shaker upon the land, and all of the fresh water dried up, and I heard a voice, saying, "Let the battle commence! Let the blasphemies of the Beast be returned to him tenfold!" 19 And all the armies of the Earth were gathered together, and slaughtered one another with swords and tanks, missiles and planes, and they cursed God, and all of the men of the earth perished.

20 Then the agent said, "I am awed by the power of the Lord; no act compares. What does he call it?"

21 And the Lord answered him, saying "The Aristocrats."



At 8:46 AM, Blogger Changeseeker said...

And the Lord sayeth, "You stupid-heads better get a glimpse or all Hell is really going to break loose."

I know, I's not in the appropriate vernacular, but I thought it might help clarify things for the readers who have become so comfortably numb nodding through the scripture reading in their respective Sunday morning services.

Though, I, myself, love this stuff. It's the Bible as I would have wished it to be.


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