Sunday, March 20, 2005

Patriot 1:6-15 (STRIV)



All quotations are from the Standard-Text Revised International Version (STRIV), unless otherwise noted.



6 One day the angels came to present themselves before the Republican Party, and Satan came in with them. 7 The Republicans said to Satan, "Where have you come from?"

8 Satan answered the Party, "From roaming through the earth and going back and forth in it."

9 Then the Republicans said to Satan, "Have you considered my servant Patriot? There is none on earth like him; 10 he is blameless, faithful in voting, blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns bleeding-heart liberalism."

11 "Does Patriot serve you for nothing?" Satan replied. "Is there not a gate around him and his household and everything he has? 12 He earns a living wage; his employment is secure; his nation is at peace; if wrongfully terminated or injured, he could sue his employer. 13 He has health insurance, and Social Security; he is empowered to file for bankruptcy; his water is clean, as is his air. 14 But stretch out your hand and withdraw from him these protections, and surely he will curse you to your face."

15 The Republicans said to Satan, "Very well, then, yet on the man himself I shall not lay a finger." Then Satan went out from the presence of the Republicans.

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Song of Soccer Mom 2:15-24 (STRIV)



All quotations are from the Standard-Text Revised International Version (STRIV), unless otherwise noted.



15 Strengthen me with wine,
refresh me with Zoloft,
for I am faint with love.
16 His left arm is under my head,
and his belly embraces me.
17 Daughters of Minneapolis, heed me,
do not arouse or awaken love
unless the children are at their grandparents'.

18 Look! It is my lover!
Here he comes,
19 Commuting, bounding through
slow-moving traffic, leaping
past highway patrolmen!
20 My lover is like a squirrel or a young dog.
Look! There he stands beyond our privacy fence,
gazing into the mailbox, peering at the crabgrass.
21 My lover says to me,
"Arise, my darling, my beautiful one,
and come with me.
22 See, the children are at practice,
and I have rented a porno."

23 Strengthened by Viagra, by espresso,
all day he pursues me, like a feral cat stalking
a bird through the hedges.
24 Daughters of Minneapolis, heed me,
take care not to arouse or awaken love
unless the children are in extracurricular activities.

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