Sunday, September 11, 2005

Bushes 30:1 – 32:3 (STRIV)

All quotations are from the Standard-Text Revised International Version (STRIV), unless otherwise noted.

[30] 1 The LORD then said to Georgewalker, "Go therefore to California, you and your whole family, because I have found you righteous in this generation. Take with you your business contacts, and seven of every kind of secret service agent, that your days might be long upon the earth, and two of every kind of senior citizen, and speak to them about Medicare. 2 For in three days I will send rain upon the earth for three days and three nights, and I will wipe from the Gulf Coast every living creature I have made."

3 And Georgewalker did all that the LORD commanded him.

4 Georgewalker was fifty and nine years old when the floodwaters came on the earth. 5 And Georgewalker and his wife, Laura, and his daughters, Jenna and Notjenna, went with him to California to escape the waters of the flood, but his second wife, Condoleeza, was disobedient to him and went instead to New York. 6 And all of Georgewalker's business contacts, and pairs of secret service agents, and pairs of pre-screened Republican senior citizens, entered the ark, as God had commanded Georgewalker. 7 And after the three days the floodwaters came upon the Gulf Coast.

8 In the fifty-ninth year of Georgewalker's life, on the twenty-ninth day of the eighth month – on that day all of the waters of the great deep sprung forth, and the shield of the sky was ripped open, and the very ground rose up to meet the waters, and rain fell upon the Gulf Coast for three days and three nights, and every living thing on in the city of Nuorlans perished – birds, livestock, wild animals, pets, all of the creatures that move over the earth, and mankind. 9 Everything on dry land which had breath in its nostrils died. 10 Every green plant was torn from the ground by the waves. And only Georgewalker was left, and those with him in California.

11 The waters covered the Gulf Coast for a hundred and fifty days.

[31] 1 But God remembered Georgewalker and all the senior citizens and secret service agents and other white people who were with him, and he sent the sun upon the earth, and the waters receded. 2 Now the shield of the sky was restored, and the waters of the great deep returned to their rightful place, and at the end of the hundred and fifty days the water had gone down. 3 And after this time Georgewalker went to the Gulf Coast to see the destruction which the LORD had wrought, at a safe distance.

4 And the LORD said to Georgewalker, "Go, and meet with those who had escaped the flooding, and speak to one another of rebuilding, and of buying the land from the few men and women who survived with eminent domain checks, and of turning the whole of the Gulf Coast into a massive city, with high gates and many wealthy white people and senior citizens. 5 And I command you to use the areas not suitable for the senior citizens or their children or their children's children or their livestock to house their slaves."

6 So Georgewalker did as the LORD commanded, together with his wife, Laura, and his daughters, Jenna and Notjenna, and their senior citizens and their secret service agents, one after the other. 7 And his second wife, Condoleeza, returned to him. And Georgewalker built an altar there to the LORD and, taking the one named Brownie, sacrificed him as a burnt offering on it. 8 The LORD smelled the pleasing aroma and said in his heart, "Never again will I curse the ground because there are poor people on it, for it takes too long to dry up. 9 And never again will I destroy all living creatures, as I have done, because that is wasteful."

[32] 1 Then God blessed Georgewalker and his family, saying to them, "Go, and be fruitful and multiply; increase in number and wealth until you rule the earth and everything upon it. 2 The fear and dread of you will come upon all of the beasts of the earth and air, and upon all the fish of the sea, and any men who remain in distant places; they are given into your hands. 3 Everything that lives and moves shall create profit for you. Just as I gave you America, now I give you everything."

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1 Comments:

At 1:38 AM, Blogger stan said...

The annoying thing about these Biblical-type accounts is how the poetic license makes everything all different from the news.

 

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