Wednesday, December 15, 2004

Democrats 7:1-23 (STRIV)

All quotations are from the Standard-Text Revised International Version (STRIV), unless otherwise noted.

[1] 1 Not for my sake, O LORD, but for thine,
not for my glory, but for thine, Almighty God!
2 I am imprisoned without walls; yea,
I am a captive without chains.
3 Why does the LORD withhold His salvation?

4 Mine enemies sit in the palaces they have built,
and scheme ways to steal from the people.
5 They say, "The LORD will not save him, for
we do the LORD's will – it is right for us to
6 rob the Temple, to execute the people, to
do battle and take faraway lands for our own plunder.
7 The LORD has chosen us, for we are righteous,
we alone follow His laws." Is it so?
8 O God, is it so?

Where are the prophets of times past?
9 Where are the ones who would stand against treachery,
who would defend the poor, the widows?
10 Who speaks for the young men and women
before they enter battle, when they have not
yet run beside the chariots of war?
11 Who taxes the peasants, then takes from them a second time?
Who removes bread from the pregnant woman's mouth?

12 Their idols are of paper and plastic, that burn up
in the fire, of gold and silver, that rust and melt.
13 Their idols are of wood and stone, ash and sand.

14 This is the way of the Republican: he slaughters
and cooks a lamb from his neighbor's field,
15 eats it and drinks wine with his wives,
shares with his friends, then says, "I am a vegetarian."

16 Rise then up, O LORD, and bring a holy opposition;
call up leaders who will shine light on lies.
17 Restore the economy, while some righteous yet live;
let the nations mock us no longer.
18 Shall we repent in sackcloth, ashes on our heads,
for more years? Shall your anger against us never be sated?

19 It cannot be so.
For the LORD is righteous, and hears the cries
of His people. The LORD is merciful, and will
not cause them to suffer a day past what is required.
20 The heavens, even deepest space, are the LORD's,
yet earth has been given to man.

21 O Democratic Party, trust in the LORD;
He will be thy help and thy shield.
22 Almighty God will bring the wicked to justice,
yea, even Al-Queda shall not escape.
23 The dead praise Him not, therefore the living
shall praise Him: I shall yet trust in the LORD.


Presentation 5:15-6:12 (STRIV)

All quotations are from the Standard-Text Revised International Version (STRIV), unless otherwise noted.

15 And I turned, and saw five beasts, with the faces of women, and the bodies of foxes, and tails like unto a peacock's tail. 16 Their wings were as knives, and their bodies were covered all over in eyes, yet the eyes were closed. 17 The beasts were large as several houses, and their dung was white like the clouds, 18 and drifted above the ground, yet the grass was scorched beneath. 19 And I asked the angel who was with me, "What creatures are these?"

20 The angel said to me, "These are the media, which the LORD has given to control the Earth, but only for a time, times and half a time." 21 And he knelt down to pick up the beasts' dung, and commanded me to eat it, saying, 22 it will fill thy mouth to overflowing, yet when you have eaten, your stomach will be emptier than before. 23 And I took of the dung, and ate, and it filled my mouth, 24 yet when I had swallowed, my stomach was left empty.

25 As we watched, the beasts began to sing praises to the Beast, each echoing the words of the one before. 26 And they ran toward one another, ever faster, so that they moved in a circle, 27 and the earth shook with the sounds of their feet. 28 As they approached one another closer, the head of each was swallowed up by the hindquarters of the one before it, and was absorbed, 29 leaving a beast in the form of a ring, with twenty feet, yet without tails nor heads, and the noise was as many armies.

[6] 1 Then three new beasts appeared on the horizon, the first like a wolf, blue as the sky, and with a crown of fifteen gold stars. 2 The second was as a scarlet lion, banded in black stripes, and it wore a crown of five gold stars. 3 The third was as a bear, white as the sun, and its crown was also of fifteen stars. And these three watched as an eagle flew overhead, which was gold, but its head white as snow, and crowned in fifty gold stars. 4 The eagle descended from the heavens, and as it did so it plucked with its beak at its wings, so that it tore out its feathers as it fell, and the more feathers it plucked from itself, the faster it descended, and the faster it descended, the more hurriedly it plucked from itself. 5 Then the Host of Heaven appeared, singing,

6 Woe! Woe unto the fearful!
Woe to the ignorant!
7 Holy, holy, holy, is the LORD,
Who reproves the deceitful,
8 and corrects the path
of the unrighteous!

9 And the eagle, denuded of all its feathers, struck the earth with a terrible sound, and the other beasts set upon it and devoured it, tearing it flesh from flesh, 10 and the bear consumed the head, and the lion the entrails, and the wolf ate the bones and skin, until nothing remained of the eagle, and the stars in its crown were scattered to the winds.

11 I asked the angel who was with me, "What does all this mean?" And the angel replied, "It is a sign of what is to come. 12 Be ye therefore watchful, and take heed of the signs, that you are not taken by surprise."


Saturday, December 11, 2004

Democrats 2:1-22 (STRIV)

All quotations are from the Standard-Text Revised International Version (STRIV), unless otherwise noted.

[2] 1 Lord, how those arrayed against me increase,
and the traps set for me multiply!
2 Many say of me, there is no help for him,
the LORD has abandoned him.
3 Preserve my party, oh Lord! Give ear to my prayer,
and do not fail me, for thou alone art great,
4 and do wondrous things, thou art God alone.

5 My enemies outnumber me on every battlefield,
the House, the Senate, the Supreme Court,
6 they appoint judges to imprison my constituency.
7 Take heed, O Lord, hear my cry!
8 Bolster Roea, fortify the Constitution,
rise up and smite my enemies with their own swords,
9 for I walk in thy truth, and praise thee
with all my heart.

10 Have mercy, O Lord, and rescue my people!
11 My path is strewn with traps, and is without light.
12 Bring my enemies to justice, expose the
machinations of Tom DeLay, uncover the ignorance
of George, lest there be a draft.

13 Most of all, give thy strength to thy servant,
that I might stand against the proud and violent
ones who desire my soul, knowing thou art with me.
14 Let me find a moral position which will be approved
by at least fifty-one percent of the people.
15 For thou art compassionate
and wise, and worthy of praise, and abundant in
grace and truth. Selah.

16 I cry out to you,
O Lord, for charismatic candidates, and a
slightly less biased media, 17 that all nations might
join me in worshiping you, that all might say,
18 "See, the LORD notices the plight of those who serve
him, and brings the evil ones to justice!"
19 Teach me thy ways, that they who hate me may see,
and feel shame at their conduct, before my people
are all poisoned, drafted, or imprisoned,
20 their jobs sent to the East.

21 I know that only thou can help me, O Lord.
No other God is like you. Rise up! Why do you sleep!
22 Rise up and raise your armies, your journalists,
that I might praise your name.

aSome manuscripts: Roe v. Wade.


II Corporations 3:5 (STRIV)

All quotations are from the Standard-Text Revised International Version (STRIV), unless otherwise noted.

5 And K-Mart filed for bankruptcy, having begat Martha Stewart, Inc., and was buried. And in all the generations of K-Mart were 165 years.


Friday, December 10, 2004

Hypothesis 1:1-27 (STRIV)

All quotations are from the Standard-Text Revised International Version (STRIV), unless otherwise noted.

[1] 1 In the beginning, God created the market. 2 And the market was without form, and void, and neither buying nor selling, debt nor credit, did exist.

3 And God said, "Let there be language," and there was language. And man could talk, 4 and could negotiate prices and exchange livestock. And God looked upon language and saw that it was good.

5 And the morning and evening were the first day.

6 On the second day, God said, "Let there be writing," and there was writing. 7 And men could record transactions, and keep records of debts. 8 And God looked upon writing and saw that it was good.

9 And there was morning and evening, a day.

10 On the third day, God said, "Let there be debt," and there was debt. 11 And God saw the debt, that it was good, and he divided commerce into debtors and creditors, and called the debtors Labor, and the creditors Management.

12 And God said, "Let Labor forever strive to satisfy Management, that both may know their proper place under the Heavens." 13 And it was so. And God had pleasure.

14 And there was morning and evening, a day.

15 On the fourth day, God said, "Let there be currency, that man might have standard prices and measures for exchange, according to the cost of production and distribution." 16 And there was currency. 17 And God said, "Let currency be established throughout the whole earth, to facilitate trade between the nations, and let currency be as changeable as the clouds, 18 that man might know inflation and deflation," and it was so. 19 And God saw that currency and trade were good, and there was morning and evening.

20 On the fifth day, God said, "Let us make the corporation in our image: powerful, immortal, and unaccountable, and let us give it dominion over all the lands of the earth, and over the seas, and over the air, and the creatures that move through these, and over all the men who compose them. 21 Let each bear subsidiaries according to its kind, that the world might know that we are God." 22 And He created them, service and manufacturing He created them.

23 And God blessed them, and said unto them, "Be fruitful, and multiply, and rape the earth, and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and the fowl of the air, and over every thing that moves upon the earth."

24 And God said to the corporations, "Behold, I have given you the genomes for every living herb which bears seed, and every creature which moves, that you might patent and recombine them in service of the Market." And it was so.

25 And there were morning and evening, and God beheld everything that He had made, and lo, it was very good. 26 And there were morning, and evening, a day, and on the sixth day God rested from his work which He had made, 27 and God blessed the sixth day, and sanctified it, for in that day He rested from his labors.


Chad 7:26-29 (STRIV)

All quotations are from the Standard-Text Revised International Version (STRIV), unless otherwise noted.

26 And Jesus said unto the Pharisees, "The Father hath not revealed His will to me in this way before. 27 What are your thoughts on women caught in the act of adultery? 28 Stoning seems not to be serving as much of a deterrent, n'est pas?"

29 And the Pharisees proposed a Three-Strikes law, and Jesus saw that they were righteous, and he studied with them forty days and nights in the desert before returning to Galilee.


Tuesday, December 07, 2004

Bushes 6:16-7:4 (STRIV)

All quotations are from the Standard-Text Revised International Version (STRIV), unless otherwise noted.

16 Georgeherbert and Barbara conceived, and bore Georgewalker, Neil, and Jeb. 17 And Georgewalker took to himself a wife, Laura, and lay with her, and Laura conceived Jenna and Barbara. 18 These are the generations of Georgewalker.

19 The LORD was with Georgewalker, and caused him to prosper, according to the blessings of his father, as was the will of the LORD. 20 And it came to pass in the time of Georgeherbert that the LORD sent Georgewalker into battle against Ann, 21 who was then the queen of Texas, but the people were turned against Ann by the strivings and whisperings of Karl, 22 who told the people and their priests that Ann was a drunkard and a whore, and that she lay with women (which in those times was considered an abomination), and that the LORD would not cause her to prosper. 23 And Karl went up with an army of corporations and defeated Ann, and enslaved her children, and slaughtered her livestock, such that the hills of Austin were red with blood, 24 which is why the land there is red to this day.

[7] 1 And the corporations which had fought alongside Karl did prosper, and begat subsidiaries numerous as the stars, and a third of the water turned to sludge, and a third of the stars vanished from Heaven, 2 and a third of the animals died, and God further punished the defeated peoples of Texas by sending plagues of asthma and cancer upon them. 3 And the LORD was pleased with Georgewalker, and again sent him into battle against Algore, and Georgewalker took all the lands of America for the LORD, and GOD blessed Georgewalker with great wealth, 4 and Georgewalker took for himself a second wife, Condoleeza, and many servants.


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